–when I need to be drawing, when the visions that dance so clearly in my eyes cannot be rendered with words, which is all I have.
–when I need to be still, but the churning of my thoughts is like the sea spinning madly around the world, tearing mountains down to sand.
–when I need to work, thinking as I restart the solitaire board, “Just one more time.”
–when I need to be better at math, because then I’ll know how to calculate just how many minutes I’ve wasted.
–when I do the right things and ruin people’s lives in the effort.
–when I do nothing and bad things happen and I can’t even pretend that I care.
–when I am convinced it will never be all right and that there are not enough drops of blood in my veins to pay the debts that I have incurred.
–when I wonder what I ever did to deserve someone so compassionate that he’d give up his life for me, before I was ever even born.
–when I think I should step away from that group that has so befuddled the message that it’s probably hopelessly lost.
–when I’m so happy for my life that my grin makes my teeth hurt.
–when I wish I had a crystal ball so I would have it all figured out already.
–when I’m afraid to open my eyes because my dream is too achingly beautiful to lose.
–when I’m afraid to open my eyes because I think it’s really, really late.
–when the words I read make me jealous with desire for the brain that thought them up in that order.
–when I am so smart and no one even knows.
–when I know, and really believe for more than a minute or two, that I am worthy.
–when I look across the room and meet eyes looking back, and the music of the spheres reverberates in my soul.
–when I glance up and find out I am all alone.
