It’s the end of the list-making season, the time of year when paper and pen meld to procreate with greater or lesser success, depending on the financial fertility of the previous twelve months. New car or new DVD? Pony or puppy (and real or stuffed?) What about the resolutions? Those prophetic lists that foretell the pounds we’ll shed, the bfs we’ll be so good to, the fortunes we’ll mine from E-trade and L-otto; put them in a time capsule and in twenty years, they’ll be just like the new ones.
I’m making a list of wishes. Not resolutions, because they are all unattainable. Not desires, because they can’t be procured. Just wishes. I’ll share.
1) a future satisfaction scope: perfect for discovering whether the path you’re about to step on will lead to a more satisfied life
2) a Night Mare: for the lovely warm midnights when it’s just too wonderful to sleep, but there isn’t really anything to stay up for. She’ll take you on a trot around town.
3) a sentimentality snare: useful when determination meets craven wimpiness. Good for getting out of expired friendships, bad romances, and obligations that eat time.
4) a conscience angel: to take those niggling “I shoulds” and turn them into trumpet calls of good-deed-doing and compassionate acts.
5) a synaptic response reader: so I would know what people are really thinking of me
6) couch cushion plant: handy for the conversations that never happen, the friends that never get visited, the doctor’s appointments that last too long
7) dragon rides: similar to night mares, useful for transforming dull, interminable days into pleasurable mini-vacations
8) willingness enhancer: to be used with
9) ambition amplification system: would be great if adaptable for hanging by mirrors
10) zero calorie, all-natural ice cream: okay, maybe this is asking for too much?
There will always be natural disasters, poverty, and disease. Children will die in horribly preventable ways. People will live without love, good homes, enough money, education, or food. Cancer will never be cured. All countries will always be in debt. But maybe, if we looked inside ourselves for these crazy, cool gadgets, we can make miracle moments happen. I think that would be the eleventh thing for the list.
